REDUX

A little bilingual humor

More inbox fun, this time from El Hermano Lejano:

Un ricachón conoció a una joven muy linda pero con muy poca  cultura. (En otras palabras, muuuy tonta.) Luego de poca conversación y muchos tragos pasaron una noche apasionada de máximo placer y al día siguiente el ricachón le dijo a la humilde muchacha:

Mamita estoy muy agradecido contigo, pídeme lo que sea que yo te lo doy.

Ella dijo: Dame una flor.

El ricachón se conmueve y piensa: ¡Qué ternura!, ¡Cuánta humildad!, Y le pregunta a la muchacha:

¿Sólo eso? ¿Cómo la quieres?, ¿Una rosa, un clavel?

La muchacha le contesta: -No!!!!! Quiero una FLOR Esplorer 4 x 4 dil 2005 con dibidi y musica de sidi!!

Inbox Fun

This came via e-mail today.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU THINK

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during January....

In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January.

That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire War torn country of Iraq.

When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following.

A New Scourge

And now, a word from The Peanut Gallery, courtesy of erik:

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

• More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
• Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
• In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
• More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 
• Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
• Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
• Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
• Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
• Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
• Newborn babies can choke on bread.
• Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 
• Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P )

Indeed.  The danger that these horrible bread-bakers present to our children is too great!   We must take action, now!

Your Turn.

First it was the Iraqis, and now yow too can have fun, by taking hold of your democratic rights and casting a vote to determine:

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Email o' the Day

Found this little gem waiting in my inbox today, and I've decided to add a new category to ye olde blog, "The Peanut Gallery".  The first entry comes from Long Island, NY.

Potentially and Realistically

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between "potentially" and "realistically?'"

The father thought for a moment, then  answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.  Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask  your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Well . . . I guess that I would!  We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The  boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course,"  the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.  His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied,  "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars..............  but realistically,......we're living with two sluts and a queer."